life of a girl

Darling!

2005-09-30T04:04:00.000+08:00

I miss you.
Despite what you probably think. It's just different. I don't know how to explain it. Like how I really don't like communicating through SMSes. Not that I don't want to talk to you.

Sigh.

I hope we'll go out soon. I need to talk to you, man!

-SoongFee

i wish

2005-07-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

i wishi lost a legthen she would be nice to me.not fake nice like she was just now.really nice.she'd let me see himcos i'd be depressedjust i am going to be.. or was.she would let me do whatever i want.she wouldn't try to stop me..and i wouldn't have to take math examsand disappoint my super sweet math tutor.msged him to say i wouldn't do well for math cos of some stuff happening at home. and he was so sweet, he asked if he couldnt help with anything. then.. yeah i don't know lah.
i hate her for turning my life upside down. if we were still in daisy she wouldn't have seen the camera in the first place beacuse. it would be in the study room. and she wouldn't go there in the first place.and i hate that she intrudes on my privacy.i hate that she reads my letters and checks my wallet for photos. i hate that she glanced through my camera pictures.i hate that i have no more privacy. i hate that i can't even cry it out.
and now when she talks to me i just want to say: GO AWAY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DON'T COME BACK FOR 5 DAYS PLEASE.i just. need my space.and my privacy. STOP CONTROLLING MY LIFE. if i choose to be with him i'm going to make my own mistakes. and fuck no im not going to get pregnant for God's sakes. i'm smarter than that!
GRRRRRRRRRR. and so she says: you think ure so smart lah huh. would ABC or XYZ get a boyfriend? NO. they're too smart for that. like wtf. i know ABC and XYZ had/have boyfriends. like GRR go away. so i just kept quiet and wished that i would die.
GO AWAY PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. everytime you talk to me i just want to run away. do you know how much misery you're causing mei wish you would read this.
how can you just totally disapprove of someone and not even meet them. give them a chance to prove themselves to your UNBELIEVING SELF. like WHAT THE FUCKi don't know what to think or do anymorelast night she threatened to take me to a counsellor. i really don't mind. then maybe i can repeat my whole fucked up story. then he/she can tell my mother. then YAY. problem solved hopefully.
initially i thought it would be solved when she met him.but she doesn't even want to give him a chance.HAHA GOD WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS.
do you know. MOTHER. that sometimes when you scold me and question me, i know how much you don't trust me. and i just want to jump and end it all. i'd be so free, free of everything.and then. i know that it wouldn't be fair to myself. cos i haven't finished this fight. no i'm not going down without a fight.
i just wish you would stop being so unreasonable and childish. then you could see my point of view. but that isn't going to matter. cos what i wish isn't going to come true.

GAH. why can't it go away. someone wake me up this is just a bad dream. just a bad dream. please. let it be so.

exams are screwed so i'm not even gonna talk about them. so there

2005-07-03T14:29:00.000+08:00

campfire was the best ever. i miss sc so much! tonnes and tonnes and tonnes.
sigh.
i miss all the guides:] and i miss singing! haha. yea. oh well.
its just unforgettable.. and i never want to miss it.
i will be back for more next year:]
yea. i love sc guides. a lot :]
i just can't explain this feeling. i wish i was sec4 forever. and that it was last year. may. a week before chinese Os:]
yeah i was dead tired! but it was WORTH it. haha mopping the floor. with chee. and lyn making random noises. i miss that. i miss FP2. they're all so big now:] they've grown so much. my lil sec1s are EMCEES! so cute. :]
AWW i miss sc:)

2005-06-28T02:27:00.000+08:00

gosh they're so sweet together. everyone go aww. i'm out of my mind i think.
its 2:29 and i'm awake. and you're on my mind. hmm.
i feel like running now. running further and further away.

i guess
we all live to change each other.

it may not be obvious for people like us.
but when you have children with.. well. who give us something more precious.
children who teach us patience
courage
strength in the face of adversity
determination. all that.
people with a gift.

what are we living for if not to improve each other's lives?

2005-06-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

blogspot doesn't allow me to paste things! so i shall type this whole thing out..

I will stay

If you've got secrets you want to tell,

we can talk all day long.

If your dreams get broken somehow,

I'll remind you that you belong.

If you need some place to hide,

you can hold my hand for a while.

If your sky begins to fall,

I'll stay with you 'til you smile.

Whenever you need some space,

there's my room - you can take it.

If someone breaks your heart,

together we'll unbreak it.

When you feel sad or empty inside,

I'll show you you're not alone.

If you get lost out there,

I'll come and take you home.

I'll go with you somewhere else,

when you need to get away.

And when nothing seems to be going right,

and you need a friend, I'll stay.

http://www.tasgreetings.com/Iwillstay.htm

hmm its been a long time

2005-06-22T13:53:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged in so long.. livejournal was like.. ages ago. okay maybe april?
anyways, i shall update! about my boring life:]
YAY.
okay so here goes its been kinda sadcase.
moving house and all.
losing someone. gaining another.
sighhs.
anyways, i'm just really thankful that its over now.
but mid years are in five days!
like AAAAHHHH
and..
i miss having school. no not mid years school but. normal school. i miss classtime. i miss everyone in 1t37. a lot a lot:]
andddd. i shall go post an entry on the 1t37 blog. yes. good. :]

phy is screwed:P

2004-08-25T17:28:00.000+08:00

wheeeee phy ure screwedddddd haha heck lah. just take it as it comes one thing at a time. wheeeeeeeeee. anyway today was pretty productive, compared to all other days!! mrs choo is soooo cute:D love her! heh. yaaaaaay will complete my teachers' day present shopping later whoooo finally!!:) then i can heave a sigh of relief.
and start doing farewell gifts! boooooooooo i will miss guides. even though sometimes its like the bane of my existance! haha. but i really love the people there! i miss you guys so much! saturday mornings feel weird with the tv. feels weird waking up at eight and finding myself in bed. rrrr. oh well but i really gotta thank guides for the enriching experiences:)

hohum math tuition. HERE I COME. ewww.

and since i am too lazy to update my unky mood, right now,
mood: lazy and excited and nostalgic and worried

nocturnal

2004-08-23T05:11:00.000+08:00

ooh i can type again. roar. i really dont like you doing this to me blogger thank you very much. roar. anyways i didnt sleep, spent the entire morning packing my desk, MY HUMONGOUS AMOUNT OF STATIONARY and err. that took up the entire morning. oh packed my bag too.

i can't believe the amount of stationary i have my gosh! its like.. WOW. beats wow. its so much more than wow. i have one entire pencil case full of pencils. yes. ONLY pencils. i have like.. sixty pencils? (estimate) and i have another pencil case full of markers and colour pencils plus a few more sets in the cupboard. AND. there's more. an entire pencil case full of colour pens. oh. my. goodness. oh that that isn't counting the blue/black pens. okay fine i have about twenty of those.

so phy, lets see. you have (VERY ROUGH ESTIMATE)
60 pencils
20 blue/black pens
40 coloured pens
50 markers + colour pencils
5 bottles/sticks of glue
4 staplers
3 boxes of staples
3 boxes of pencil lead
5 erasers
7 rulers
3 protracters
3 compasses
4 set squares

err i think thats about it? OH MY GOODNESS. i really should donate my pencils to an orphanage:) and my markers and stuff.
actually i want to visit one. just have no idea how the heck to go about doing it.

phyllis sucks. she ain't done any work. everybody say UH OH.

and just in case ure worried about me, i slept from one to six this afternoon so all should be fine:D

i hope.

soongfee really invades this time

2004-08-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

heehee..
phy's so cute. getting everyone to help her paste her little updates into the editor box for blogger just cos her comp is a little kapoot. hahahahaha

anyway. im just doing a little invasion thing here cos i want to tell phy that I LOVE HER SO MUCH ! haha..

yea. il see you all in school tomorrow. or another day.

Singaporean!

2004-08-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hi Everyone! It's me,Sherwin and I'm doing a blog invasion! Kidding..phy's asked me to post her blog entry for her so here it goes:

yesterday went to give my mom her wallet cos she forgot to bring it hur. and thought she lost it. so went all the way to toa payoh, ate, bought two pens, and watched the STEPFORD WIVES. fabulous show. it was sooo entertaining. it was even scary and full of tension admist the laughter and humourous parts so i'd give it two thumbs up:D okay i'd give it all my ten fingers. yea it was reallyyy good:) sooo entertaining and never a boring moment!!:) oh i cut my hair too:) its too thin now!! my ponytail is sooooo much worse than stumpy. its BARELY THERE. like the carefree pantyliners. heh.

aha. then i watched the recorded match! aaaarrrgggghhh really dislike that korean bitch. screaming her stupid head off.
love the commentator though! hahahahaha. he said something like "it goes up one decibel with every point" hahahaha super cute:) i love you li jiawei!!:) heh. even though she didn't win us any medal im still really really proud that she played for us. and even though she isnt singaporean. heh. not that im not grateful! cos i am. truly i am.

hopefully in the beijing olympics in four years time, the sports school will have some truly singaporean representatives! like maybe for gym and swimming. and maybe women's hockey?? cos there was some ntuc tournament so maybe there's hope there!!:) whoo.
and im pretty proud of zhang xueling and ronald susilo! i think zhang xueling deserves a mention too! i never did see her in the newspaper front page. only ronald and jiawei! so much so that my mom doesnt even know who she is!!

maybe its cos of the olympics but i just felt so singaporean on my way home! just looking at the HDB buildings in toa payoh, all lit up with a warm homey glow about them. and people doing laundry (dont ask me why that lady was doing laundry at night) and just some people studying at the void deck. it was just so.. uniquely singaporean in a way:) and it was great, the homey feeling. i wanna live in a HDB again:( people in private housing (at least this set of apartments) are unfriendly and they have so much politics going on! bah. when you smile at them they give you a tight lipped smile or even worse scowl at you. and they dont acknowledge your presence at campfires or funfairs! like when u smile at them they just pretend they dont know you. roar. its just different. not that im saying "poorer" people are nicer. no i dont think people who live in HDB's are any less well off, in fact i think a lot of them are so much richer. but it aint about the money, its about the people.
i can't wait to move! oh quick sell this house.

oh well. shall stay online for a bit then go sleep. roar.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah :(

2004-08-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

oh wow i can finally type in this box again. wowee. i really can't stand people copying me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway today sucked. which is basically why i am online blogging about it.. more details in lj. gah. bloody hell.

i found heaven in a can though. strangely enough talking about something happy makes me angry and irritated and frustrated all over again. gah. black pepper tuna. something which could make me sooooo happy and over the moon now just makes me freaking annoyed and angry all over again. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. i just want to scream. damnit.

a math mock exam

2004-08-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

hmm okay good no spell check here:) anyway! stupid blogger REFUSES to let me type in the entry box!so upsetting. rrrrrrrr. my com is being evil. rrrrrrrrrr. ooh forgot to mention that i got my gold award! lalalalalalalala i rock:D heh. okay fine i'm egoistic. but YAY.
ahahahahaha bought a new roxy wallet yesterday! its nice and pink and terribly skinny so i can't dump all my rubbish in it!!:( yay thanks to chee who made me wait for her from one forty till three! hurmpf. and i kept getting chased out of the guide room:( not like i really want to know whats happening for farewell! i want it to be a surprise too! but oh well. hurmpf where did they expect me to go then??!! ahahaha.
today was pretty good:) went to eat pastamania after bio prac, which was weird and terribly confusing. gross. yay thanks to jeannette who sat with me and ate. and now i crave for the potato salad!! hehheh i skipped dental cos i went home and fell asleep. i think the receptionist must be quite pissed. i skipped dental twice already. once cos of orals and today.i can only say oops? heh
a math mock tomorrow! how disgusting. i mean i dont have anything against a math but must i really come to school at EIGHT in the morning when i dont have cca just to see HER face??:( so upsetting. and doing math early in the morning! GROSSSS. nothing more to put me off going to school.
oh well just gotta deal with it i guess. thanks to kok wai who will help me update this!!:) *hug

I LOVE SOONG FEE!

2004-08-11T01:47:00.000+08:00

THIS ENTRY IS SPECIALLY DEDICATED TO SOONG FEE
have i ever mentioned HOW MUCH I LOVE SOONG FEE??:) whooooooooo i love you babe! yaaaay u rock my layout's sooooooo nice now thanks to youuuuuu
yay if only i had a box for links so i could credit you haha:) wheeeeeee you rock so much! but no need for the box for links hur. i know it would kill you. I WILL TRY TO MAKE IT MYSELF! yes. oh fine its gonna screw up but i'll make it err. eventually:) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO okay i must treat you to thai noodle house yay so sad u can't come over today though!:S

this is tremendously upsetting.

2004-08-10T19:15:00.000+08:00

argh. the weekend has come and gone and i havent done ANYTHING productive (in terms of school work). at all. friday went roller blading sat bummed and slept then slept at sam's place and sunday went to her church well that was rather productive:) sunday came home and slept and bummed went online slept bummed. monday was out, tuesday went online and bummed. more. argh. oh chee just left haha her com screwed up, again. oh well. so she did HEYMATH. wwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo my FAVOURITE SITE ever. EVER. i mean, HOWEVER can u live without heymath? its like, essential for survival. eww.

tried to get on to asknlearn but i stupidly forgot the password. i bet i changed it to something totally dumb. and i cant even answer my password question. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR? pink was the wrong answer. SCREW. haha okay whatever. i was only trying to do my homework after all:( argh. i have been so unproductive! ARGH.

PHYLLIS YOU GOTTA GET YOUR BUM TO WORK your nose to the grindstone. whatever. oh and.

yoghurt helps with digestion:)

one shared blog coming right up!

2004-08-10T13:59:00.000+08:00

well made a shared blog!:) heh changed the layout a tad but its kinda screwed though. hmm its still in the making so yay:) i think i should really go hit the books now. hah. if only someone would physically force me to:( okay well i really should go but i really dont want to. pssst sam and fee check your emails!:) i want to buy that polka dot roxy wallet:( gaaaaaaaaaaaah. okay well. orals tomorrow wish me luck!:)

i promise im going now. yea now. *poof

soongfee invades

2004-08-09T13:37:00.000+08:00

so soongfee has invaded phy's account.
i just finished the layout. and i admit. I GOT LAZY. so the sidebar doesnt look too good. :/ will change it another time.
meanwhile, ENJOY THIS TEMPLATE! i took hours man!
yayy! HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!

this pink layout is dedicated to PHYLLIS THE PINK SHEEP! :)))

-sfee

i never realised i could get sick of my face

2004-08-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

WHOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN TYPE NOW.
i swear my computer is driving me absolutely nuts. i have a sneaking suspicion that it has some unknown virus which is trying to ruin my life. how terribly annoying. i hope my blog turns out fine. i love soong fee for doing the layout! and thanks to enshan who like resized stuff:) wheeeeeeeeeee. please don't screw up on me now. *GRRRRRR